by Cynthia Walker Burton

Ever have trouble falling asleep? Do you toss and turn? Do you lie awake even though you’ve counted sheep? No visits from the Sandman? Do your eyelids grow heavy but refuse to shut? Folks, if any of the above applies to you, you just might be an insomniac. Welcome to my world. I took two Advil PM tablets four hours ago and I’m wide awake at 3:00 a.m. I had every intention of going to bed by 11:00 p.m. and I’m wide awake and typing this story just hours shy of sunrise! I haven’t always been Queen of Sleepless Nights, but currently, I wear the crown. I’ve tried just about everything to promote sleep: I don’t eat late at night, I don’t hover over my phone, I try to go to bed at a regular hour, I take a warm shower before bed, I shut the TV off at a reasonable time, I decelerate and unwind. I take Advil PM. Nothing works!

Since sleep and I aren’t good bedfellows, I thought I’d give you fellow insomniacs a list of to do’s since you can’t sleep a wink, either. Here’s the insomniac’s list of what to do when you can’t sleep even though you’re dog tired (yes, I’ve actually done all of these):

Dust the furniture. Write an actual letter. Make a to do list. Balance your checkbook. Type a story for the newspaper. Read a book. Clean the bathroom. Pick out your clothes for the next day. Read Bible devotions. Drink water. Pay the bills. Channel surf. Read the headline news on your phone. Delete old messages and spam from your phone. Plan your day. Open the windows for fresh air. Plan next month’s budget. Paint your nails. Text a fellow insomniac. Straighten out your medicine chest. Place an order on Amazon. Recite the alphabet backwards. Learn the definitions of new words. Brush your teeth. Braid your hair. Sanitize your phone. Sweep the porch. Set some goals. Complete an online job application. Sneak a snack. Make a note to call your doctor about your insomnia. Calculate figures. Memorize new words.

My fellow insomniacs, I hear you and I see you. I empathize with you. I’m up late with you . . . really late! When sleep won’t come the whole night through, your bloodshot eyes will tell on you. The bags under your eyes resemble saddle bags. Night owls, we’re not sleepyheads, we’re not counting sheep and we’re not getting our beauty sleep. Good night, good luck, and Godspeed.